A New Adventure for the Grahams

Well it's true, we are moving back up to the Portland area!  Although this time we are looking to settle on the North side just across the Washington border in Vancouver.  (we lived on the west side in the Beaverton/Aloha area for 5 years before moving to Glide)

 We have absolutely loved living just a mere mile away from John's parents in the beautiful country town of Glide and on the North Umpqua River.  It breaks our hearts to leave this peaceful, gorgeous area and the amazing school with even more amazing teachers and staff.  Leaving family will be even harder.  Luckily we will still be a short 3 hour drive away, so you better bet we will be back quite often! What this surprising (for both you and us!) move brings is a new work opportunity for John that is greatly needed for his health.  His current job has given him a great amount of experience and resume building opportunities.  While he has truly enjoyed the friendships he has made in the company and has done great work for them, the work load that all falls on him for such a big company has really taken a toll on his already taxed system.  He has had his worst flare ups in the past few months and very little free time.  Stress for him has been at an all time high.  At his recent set of scopes, the results were not good.  The Dr. was concerned about the direction things were going and wants to work with him more closely.  Being in a less stressful work environment and close once again to these outstanding OHSU Dr.'s is becoming a priority.

About a month ago this was weighing us down when an old work friend called John up out of the blue with an opportunity to come work for him back in the Portland area.  After looking more into it, visiting their offices and after a great amount of prayer and fasting, we knew this was a huge answer to many many prayers.  On top of that, the offer they ended up giving him was unbeatable.  The increase in pay as well as a large signing bonus and paid moving company to pack and move us took away the worry of how to make this needed move happen.  It has been a stressful, emotional, gut wrenching few weeks of figuring this all out, but we feel very confident and at peace with this decision.  We actually really love the Portland area and have always heard high praises for Vancouver, where his new offices will be.  He will have the opportunity to ride his bike to/from work more often,  work out at the full gym they have in their building for the employees (its a huge/awesome company!) and have less on his shoulders with the larger tax team (right now he is a one man show for a good sized company).  There are so many positives to helping John get healthier that we knew this was greatly needed and where we need to be.

Over the past few weeks there have been a few things I have had engrained into my heart.  The First is that our God is a God of miracles and love.  I absolutely know that this offer was not a coincidence, but a true answer to prayers.  It wasn't what we ever would have thought would be the answer, but it just shows how truly God knows us and knows so so much more than we know.  We think we know the right answers to solve our problems, but we can't see the big picture like He can.  I have seen this several times in our married life.  When I have finally stopped worrying about putting all the pieces together on my own and fully turned my heart and trust over to the Lord, that is when he has shown us great and amazing things we had no idea were possible.  And it always makes so much more sense than anything we ever came up with! That is because he truly cares about what happens to us.  He loves us individually with the greatest love imaginable.  He knows the trials and challenges we will face and how important they will be in giving us experience.  He asks a lot from each of us, but he also provides us with the strength and tools to overcome what we are asked of.  He will always help when he can. The key part is trusting in Him and being able to take that leap of Faith to follow and obey. After we do that, He can do anything to make the right doors and opportunities available to us.

Another thing that I have come to realize is that sometimes "the plan" changes, and that's ok.  It's important for us to realize that so we can be adaptable and open to change when change is necessary. It's a hard thing, but can open up so many other doors and opportunities we never knew were there. I know we were meant to be here over the last almost 2 years.  Coming here provided immediate relief from our previous situation, many wonderful experiences and it strengthened relationships that will be with us forever.  It was shorter than we expected, but after John's last test results, we understand why this change needs to happen now.

The last thing I want to mention is how great my testimony has grown in the power of prayer.  There have been a few times where I have been overcome with worry and helplessness over John's health over this past year.  He doesn't complain about feeling sick so most people see that he is happy and trim and naturally they think that he is healthy. What they don't see, and what John would never talk about, are all the crummy troubles associated with his autoimmune issues that have to be taken care of behind the scenes. Little things, like a special diet and muscle cramps that need to be worked out during the night, all the way up to big things like mal nutrition and blood loss from flare ups and all the fun that goes with that. Not to mention the worry of an imminent cancer diagnosis. After one particular rough night, I woke up early and felt this great need for more prayers than my own.  I turned to my family and closest friends asking for a few extra prayers.  They all responded immediately and even placed our names in one of our temples to receive prayers from within those sacred walls as well.  I will never forget how much love I felt from them that day.  By the time that day was over his flare up was almost gone and he regained his strength just a few days later.  I know the power of prayer, especially in numbers, is real.  I know that families are important in helping us get through this life.  I know that our Heavenly Father wants us to find joy in this life.  It will be hard, but there is so much good and joy to be found, even in the hardest of situations. I am grateful for this life we get to live.

I am going to miss hearing the sound of the river from our open front room windows and I am going to miss seeing the millions of stars that light up this country sky.  We are all going to greatly miss the friends and family and the relationships that have been forged on our short little journey here, but we are grateful to have been given the opportunity to have them.

Now on to the next adventure of our lives! (you know, after finishing fixing up our current house, selling it, finding a place for John to stay a few months, finding him a new car, finding and closing on a new house, painting that one, and then finally moving all of our stuff in.....  I apologize in advance if I lose my mind over the next few months of craziness!!!)

You're Stronger Than You Think

Have you met our #3, the beautiful, fair skinned, clear blue eyed, petite Morgan Jane?

If not, you should.  But don’t expect a hug or smile.  That has to be won.  Mo Mo, Moski, Mo-gan, Moskito is our first girl that came after two rough and tumble, adventurous boys and boy did she catch us off guard.  She is smart, sassy, emotional, and very sure of what she does and doesn’t want in life.  She’s also 2, and has taught me in many ways about strength. 

Over the years I have been given several words of advice.  Most have been helpful, but every now and then there have been kind words given that simply have not been true in our life.  “You deserve a good one, you only get difficult babies and or kids when your life can handle them,” was one we heard often while pregnant with Morgan.  And it was true in the sense that if ever I needed an easy child it was then.  During the first year of her life we had some of our greatest challenges to date.  As mentioned in the previous post, John was diagnosed with his health issues when Mo was just 2 weeks old.  A few months later we found out Baron (4 years old at the time) was allergic to almost everything as far as food goes.  Soon after figuring out what was making Baron sick my younger brother had an unexpected emergency brain surgery that almost took his life.  All the while I was working full time managing a large and demanding apartment complex from home with the kids.  We were hoping to get out of that job and buy a house when the company that John worked for, which wasn’t doing well, started making deep staffing cuts and downsized like crazy.  We thought he was safe since the department he works for was already a skeleton crew, but cuts are cuts and he joined the ranks of the unemployed.  He was eventually re-hired in a new position, but was then overworked and overwhelmed, which wasn’t helping his health.  Not feeling content with the solution he began job searching for a better fit for the family, but I digress, that’s a story for a different post.  A few months following these shenanigans John was asked to do a more time consuming calling at church, which was a blessing, but it sure took a lot of time that was already scarce.  All of that combined was pretty overwhelming-it was one of those situations that anyone would have agreed necessitated an “easy baby”.

We soon found out that Morgan had other plans, and we had our work cut out for us. 

                                   (This is her shushing the photographer for asking her to smile)

Oh how I love this girl.  Her first week of life was pretty calm and blissful.  Then when she was just barely 1 week and a mere 6 pounds we almost lost her.  It was the beginning of her horrendous acid reflux, only her little body wasn’t strong enough to eject it fully at first, causing her to choke and for the “reflux” to block her airways.  Watching her struggle, eventually turn purple and go limp is one of those terrifying moments I would rather not re-live.   Thankfully it took just one breath into her mouth for her to get just enough air to be ok until the paramedics were able to arrive and give her more oxygen on their way to the hospital.  From then on she grew stronger each week, but so did her acid reflux.  Her body figured out how to fully eject what it was rejecting and she would projectile vomit everything in her stomach up and out of her car seat onto the floor.  It was shocking, but impressive for such a petite little thing.  All during feedings she would gag and cry while trying to get food down and would throw it all up and more a few minutes later.  I can’t tell you the number of times I was in tears over the helpless feelings I felt from not being able to help her.  Our Dr.’s weren’t really listening and didn’t seem too concerned since she put on a little weight each week. (Not really sure how that happened!)  Medicine helped a little, but then had the adverse side affect of giving her horrible diarrhea.  It was a lose-lose situation.  She would fall asleep at night and sleep a few hours straight but then woke up screaming in pain and would cry off an on for the rest of the night.  On average we were getting just a few hours of constantly interrupted sleep each night.  Then in the morning I would need to be up, showered and dressed for work and have Jackson off to school before 8.  I was exhausted and worn out to say the least. 

If I had known beforehand we were going to be thrown all those trials, especially all of those at the same time, I wouldn’t have believed it.  I would have been adamant that I could not handle those.  I wasn’t strong enough.  I am sure most of us have at one time or another looked at someone else’s life and their challenges and thought, “I could never do that.  They must be a lot stronger than I am.”  I felt this way especially about food allergies.  Having pregnancies where I am so nauseous the whole time sort of ruined the whole cooking and eating thing for me for a while.  I couldn’t even stand in my kitchen for more than a minute or open the fridge without holding my breath.  I remember listening to a friend one day talk about her daughter being diagnosed with Celiac’s and all that it had changed in their lives.  My first thoughts were embarrassingly full of gratitude that we did not have to deal with any food allergies.  There was no way I could handle it… or so I thought.  Funny how some things come back to bite you in the butt.

Before I drone on too far about all that life threw at us I will get back to the point at hand.  Miss Morgan and the entire situation we faced that year was life changing for me- in good ways believe it or not.  I learned a lot about myself and about the enabling power of the atonement in that year.  It’s pretty rare that we love and enjoy our struggles and challenges, but there is always something to be learned from each one.  One of the many things I learned about was my own strength and willpower to survive and overcome.  I didn’t realize before what I was capable of.  In fact, I think many of us struggle to see what we’re capable of.  It’s part of human nature to find fault within our selves and become our own worst enemy.  But it’s all just a mind game.  We really all have it in us to dig deep and to do what needs to be done whether we believe that yet or not.  Just like adrenaline can arise in an emergency situation and give us the calm and even the superhuman strength we may need to lift cars, our inner self has that ability to rise up and get us through whatever may come our way in the form of trials.  We need to erase self doubt and believe more in ourselves.  I remember reading a talk about depression and the self doubt that often accompanies it and something really stuck out to me.  It mentioned just how good Satan is at knowing how to bring us down from not only temptations from others, but from our own thoughts and feelings.  That means those negative self deprecating feelings and emotions truly come only from Satan.  Just like we read in the bible that God brings light and joy, the adversary is the one that brings on that darkness.

The next time you are having those negative feelings, remind yourself who it is feeding you those lies.  Stand up a little taller, look in the mirror and give yourself a pep talk if it helps! “I see pride, I see power…” (Anyone else sad to see Cool Runnings leave Netflix?!)  Know also that it is ok to sometimes fail, and to not be the best.  I recently listened to a devotional given at BYU on March 3^rd by Jennifer Nielson, a teaching professor from the school’s chemistry and biochemistry department.  It was a short and inspiring devotional well worth your time.  The entire talk can be found HERE.  I loved when she talks about her daughter’s mindset during her track years and the difference between having a fixed mindset vs a growing mindset as well as the importance of experimenting.  We all need to be willing to make adjustments and change for the good to get the results we desire. 

And don’t forget about help.  We were not left on this world alone to face the storms.  One of my favorite things Jennifer Nielson also talked about was her family motto.  At first they had this family motto that “Nielson’s do hard things.”  This was all great and inspiring, until they came up against some bigger hurdles that became nearly impossible to overcome.  The mindset of we do hard things no matter what because of who we are was becoming a burden until they figured out they could indeed do anything, but with help.  They changed their motto to “Nielsons do hard things… with help from God and others.”  I absolutely love this! Heavenly Father has sent help in many forms.  Families, neighbors, friends, fellow church members, home and visiting teachers, etc, are all gifts from a loving Heavenly Father to get us through. 

Yet there are still those times when we may feel there is nothing anyone else can do to make your load lighter.  That is where the Savior and the enabling power of the atonement comes in.  When we put in our very best effort and turn the rest over to Him, He WILL hold you up.  I have felt this on a few occasions and it is a marvelous feeling.  During that year of craziness and little sleep I learned to pray for strength to endure instead of for my challenges to be reduced, and that is exactly what I received.  I somehow found the strength to get up each morning and do what needed to be done.  I found the strength to forgive and love more each day.  I found the strength to know which directions to go and how to take care of my family.  I found the strength to fully trust and believe in Him.  Every single day that I prayed with faith for that help I was strengthened.  He never let me down.  We made it through those storms and throughout it all we felt loving arms from Him and from loved ones on the other side supporting us constantly.  I will forever be grateful for the extra sweet spirit that was in our home during those times.  It was a great blessing to be given those trials and opportunities to learn and grow and to be forced to lean on others and the Savior. 

To end, let’s go back to my Morgan for just a minute.  As much as her stubborn independent nature frustrates me and keeps me on my toes, she has also shown me such great strength.  Strength in myself that I never knew I had and also the strength a spirit can bring to this earth.  When this girl loves, it is a fierce and passionate love that she does not let go of for anything.  Just try to tell her that you also love her Heather (the beloved favorite Aunt).  She will argue, defend and fight you over it without backing down.  Heather is all hers.  No one else can even dare take away one of her favorites.  On a lighter note, we discovered another one of her favorites to be snow.  We drove up to Crater Lake a few weeks ago to play in the snow and it was one of her happiest days.  She also ate a LOT of snow (and felt it the next day).  Big thanks to my dear friend Kim who captured some amazing shots while we were there, including this one, one of my all time favorites.  That is one happy 2 year old right there! I am so glad she was able to capture this moment of peace and joy we shared together.

Well that’s all I have for now on that! Don’t let anyone, even your own self ever convince you that you are too weak or not good enough. You can do hard things.  You are stronger than you think!!  I’ll leave you with my favorite scripture found in the bible.  

“I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me.”

-Phillipians 4:13

**Stay tuned! I've got a few more post in the works about my constant effort to overcome bitterness amid trials as well as the power of friendship in hard times.

Welcome!

I have a few new goals for this year.  Some of them involve ways to help me get my smarts back, so to speak.  I have been feeling pretty slow and forgetful lately due to some long and difficult pregnancies and going on a few years of sleep deprivation (love those babies of mine!) Two ways I felt inspired to help aid in my quest to resharpen some of my brain power were to re-learn to play the piano and read music and to get back into writing.  So far I have started in on each of those and am finding them both to be very therapeutic and rewarding. As far as the writing goes, I wanted to create a new space to just write down my thoughts and feelings with certain experiences and challenges we as a family are dealing with and will come up against in the future. Sometimes it will be a way to healthfully vent (but not rant!).  I hope that a majority of the time, however, it will be somewhere to document how we are coping and overcoming as well as what knowledge and experience we will gain through these curve balls life seems to throw all too often.  I have felt a little hesitant and even a little vulnerable by opening this blog up to others, but have felt impressed that I should.  I'm not sure who, if anyone, will follow along, but I do have hopes that one day our kids will be able to come back here for comfort and wisdom to see how we were able to overcome together.  It is a great way of doing our own family history work after all, right?

One thing that I can promise is that this blog will be authentic.  Those who know me closely will get that.  I've never been someone who feels the need to put up a perfect front and be someone I'm not.  I believe we can truly help and inspire each other by being real and by admitting our weaknesses and most importantly, what we are doing to overcome them.  No one is perfect.  We all are going through various trials and life experiences. But we can do hard things and we can become a stronger, more loving person by going through the refiner's fire.  With that, I'll leave you with a quote I heard recently that is becoming one of my favorites:

"Life is hard, true, but life is also beautiful, even when it's hard."

One Bag At A Time

First post! Here goes....

At John's last set of Dr. appointments up at OHSU in Portland and over the Christmas break, we met a new hepatologist (type of liver specialist).  Two years ago, when Morgan was just 2 weeks old, John had his first set of scopes. They then diagnosed him with having Celiac's Sprew and Ulcerative Colitis.  They also said that he was showing signs of a separate liver condition and that he should have more testing done on that.  Over the next few years, as he took various MRI scans and tests, we saw several Doctors until we found the right specialists up at OHSU in Portland that we both agreed would put him in the best of hands. In the meantime, some of those first doctors brought up a few liver conditions he might have and told him to go look them up (because the internet is the best place to go for that sort of thing.... right). Long story short, the OHSU Dr's over this last appointment finally confirmed that John does indeed have a very serious autoimmune liver disease called Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis (PSC for short). I asked the doc some very serious questions about odds and what all this means at this last appointment because I was finally ready to hear the truth and because we needed to know.  After all, this changes our future.  He was pretty frank and honest, but also kind and understanding.  This is what he said: PSC is very serious and for now is not curable, or even treatable, except through a liver transplant. The general odds are that he will get to that point of needing a transplant in about 10-15 years from diagnosis.  Right now he is thankfully non symptomatic.  In fact, the Dr was surprised it was caught already considering most people don't catch something like this until they have enough symptoms to warrant those kinds of tests.  (What he didn't understand is divine intervention and how the Lord works, but that's for another blog post).  He also let us know that because of this liver disease as well as his ulcerative colitis, John's chances of getting either liver or colon cancer in the next 8-10 years are also extremely high.  Hence the yearly liver MRI and scopes he will continue to have done so we can catch and treat it early on.

Believe me when I say there has been an abundance of different emotions and swirling thoughts going through my mind and heart ever since this appointment.  For the sake of anyone who might read this, I'll keep those bottled up inside for the moment, like I have fought hard to do the past few weeks. There are, however, a few thoughts and plans for the future I have been feeling an urge to express on here.

First, our whole outlook on the past, present and future has changed.  We both feel strongly that the decisions we've made and where the Lord has put us up to this point is exactly where we need to be, despite it maybe appearing otherwise.  I have many thoughts on all of those decisions and the paths that were shown us, but once again, that is for another post, or maybe just our own private conversation.... if you'd like one, let me know =)

Second, it has always been our plan for me to go back to school and finish my degree once we were done having kids and they were all in school.  We knew through our own personal inspiration that there were 4 very special and choice children coming to us.  Our sweet Kira was such a difficult pregnancy, but so worth that forever long 10 months.  Now that she is here, however, and with the present circumstances, we both feel it necessary for me to go back as soon as I can and with the purpose to have a career instead of just that emergency degree in my back pocket. John has a perfectly good and capable job currently and should be able to keep it for hopefully a long time yet.  It provides great health insurance and other benefits as well as an adequate salary to support a family of six.  However, those familiar with needing a life saving transplant are aware that you aren't gifted  a new organ immediately upon a diagnosis.  One of the things that scares me the most is the process to be endured for John before he ends up on the top of those transplant lists.  (That's why it's important to register as a donor!!) We are almost certain there will come a time when he won't be able to work, especially doing the work he does now with large corporation taxes, with the symptoms and ailments he'll be fighting.  He will be in liver failure, after all, which really worries me the most.  I will need to already be working at that point, in a career that offers family insurance and benefits to make sure he is able to get the best treatment we can.  Plus, there is a good chance he could be fighting cancer before he even gets to that point.  Obviously we hope for the best, but we also feel the strong need to be prepared as much as we can for various situations.

Third, I am ok with this new plan.  I am not afraid of hard work. I am also aware that it is very common now a days for both couples to work out of the home- whether out of necessity or desire and it is definitely not something I am opposed to. It wasn't quite in our original plan, but I am more than willing to do my part.  I love this guy of mine more than I can even comprehend.  I am 100% willing to sacrifice and do all I can for him and for our family.

However, I am little bit terrified and a lot bit worried.  I haven't been in school for 8 years now! Since that time I've had five exhausting and draining pregnancies and too many sleepless nights to count.  I'm pretty sure my brain is fried.  There has got to be a serious shortage of brain cells up there.  I currently forget everything, including the fact that we now have a fourth child (don't worry, no harm was done to said fourth child....).  My brain already feels like I am on overload and it's already a daily struggle to just keep my house under control and my sassy two year old happy and entertained. Not to mention just feeding my family is an entire process that takes lots of planning and time.  With both John's health and the rest of my kid's allergies, we are currently at a menu that consists of no gluten, no dairy, not nuts, no red meat, no eggs, and no soy.  I spend way to much time scouring the internet and cookbooks for anything to feed them so we don't keep eating the same two meals day after day.    How on earth am I going to handle all that I do now on top of school and eventually work?  I worry I will fail all my classes with my jumbled brain and heavy load at home.  I have a very big fear of failure.  It scares me greatly.  Will I be able to do this?  Am I smart enough?  I have the motivation, but will my body and mind have the strength? Most importantly, how on earth are we going to survive if we can't pick up some pizzas or Taco Bell on those crazy busy nights? (in all honestly, I really worry about that! haha. Thanks stupid allergies.)

All of this has been swirling around and weighing heavily on my mind these past few weeks.  I don't feel like I have one huge burden on me I need to conquer.  Instead I feel like I have all these little (and some big) burdens, or challenges rather, coming at me from all different directions.  I have been feeling at times like I just can't keep up, even just with all the worry they all bring. A few Sundays ago, I was expressing some of this worry, and well mostly my lack of strength, smarts and talents to be able to do it all, to John on our way into church.  He, as always, had some kind words of encouragement to say.  He has always had way more faith in me and my abilities. I really struggle to see and find the talents I might possibly possess, yet John has always believed in me and been one of my biggest fans. One of the many reasons I need him in my life!

But I digress.... despite his kind words that morning, I was still feeling weighed down.  During our church service that day, one of our leaders in our church, a member of something we call a stake presidency, spoke for just a few moments at the end of our sacrament meeting.  What he said really hit me hard.  The first thing he mentioned was that he had accomplished a lot that weekend.  He was working on some type of home project I believe and he alone had lifted about 8,000 pounds! This is a slightly older man who I would guess is at least in his 60's? My first thought was that he couldn't have been serious....  He then went on to explain, however, that although he did indeed lift that much weight, it wasn't all at once. That weight was divvied up into 80 lbs bags. One at a time, he lifted and moved those bags.  He related that to our trials and challenges.  We too do not have to lift it all at once.  We can deal with and accomplish what we are facing one bag at a time.  Oh man did I need to hear this.  I have thought about it often since then and am even debating putting "One bag at a time" on posters throughout my house.  Maybe at least by my bedside where my most earnest prayers for help are expressed will have to suffice. I know I can do this. Most importantly, I know my father in heaven will help me lift these bags one at a time when each need arises. One thing I strongly believe after several recent experiences is that our Heavenly Father is absolutely aware of each of us.  He knows of our struggles, our wants, our desires and needs. He will not leave us alone.  That doesn't mean he will always give us the whole picture and answers to each and every thing.  Quite often I have found that he waits until I fully think and plan through things, and it is when I put it into action that I have felt that quiet, but firm confirmation that I am either on the right, or sometimes wrong path.  He expects us to do our best and put in as much as we possibly can first.  That is how we gain strength and knowledge- through our own efforts.  Sometimes this requires us to struggle and even fail at times. The most important thing is that we get back up each time and keep trying, keeping fighting.


All of that said, here is our current plan:

Steph:  For the rest of this school year I am focusing on getting healthy again now that I have my body back.  That includes physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I lost a lot of that through the last few pregnancies and I am ready to get it back, to be me again. I am also making an honest effort to just enjoy every slow moment I am able to have right now at home with the kids. I'm still not getting very much sleep with my girls, but each month seems to be getting a little easier.  I also plan to take this next year to research various schools and programs as well as scholarship opportunities. I don't really have the time and money to try out a few things here and there.  I am hoping to nail down the direction I want to go by the time I get back into it so the whole process goes as smoothly as it can.  Scholarships will be key. At the moment I am leaning the most towards teaching since it offers good benefits and gives an opportunity to still have summers off with the kids.  Plus I love teaching and working with kids.  I have had lots of experience with that over the past decade and the few years of credits I did complete in Early Childhood Education should help cut out some time.  There are a few online programs I have been looking into, but online is also double the tuition at least.  With still paying off John's student loans and with the many medical expenses every year we now pay, we'd really like to avoid adding a large amount more in student loans for me.  If anyone has any great advice/recommendations for grants and scholarships, please share!

John:  Keep him as healthy for as long as we can and pray for medical advancements in the next 10ish years! The biggest thing with health is trying to keep his ulcerative colitis under control. This is crucial because the more flare ups he has, the more inflammation build up there is.  The more build up there is, the greater his risk for cancer.  So far, he has found that exercise, eating, and stress levels are key factors for keeping his UC under control. Stress and eating certain foods like gluten, read meat, nuts, high amounts of sugar, brown rice, etc. all seem to cause flare ups.  Exercising, riding his bike in particular, helps keep the flare ups at bay. Plus keeping his body as healthy as he can lowers his risk of other diseases and gives him more of a fighting chance for when he does deal with side effects and possibly cancer.


The last thing I want to quickly mention is about gratitude. We feel very blessed and full of gratitude to have been given a glimpse of the future so we can start preparing now.  Though we know there will be a battle ahead for John in keeping him healthy, we know there are many out there that face these type of heath struggles already.  They often come for them out of the blue. I also know there are far too many that lose their spouse or loved one without any warning at all and are forced in that moment to care for their families left behind.  My heart aches for these good people and I look up to them for their courage and strength in hard times.  Our future may be different than we hoped for, but we have been blessed with time and a little understanding.  We plan to use that to our advantage and become as prepared as we can, including with our spiritual and emotional state so we can have all the strength and help possible. Also, we are truly grateful for the Word of Wisdom.  (Information on this from our church can be found here. ) John is alive and has more time before he is in full on liver failure because of his decision to abstain from alcohol and smoking.  Dr's have stressed several times to him how crucial it is to never do either of those.  If he had been a college partier, his chances of already being in liver failure would be through the roof.  On top of that, following the word of wisdom's references to eating, exercise, and getting enough sleep while striving for a balanced life are the most beneficial to keeping John's symptoms at bay for longer anyways.  It is always amazing to see first hand the inspiration from modern day prophets and the good that comes from following them.

While this post has been a million times longer than I originally expected, it has felt good to finally get the words out and recorded somewhere.  I don't claim to be an excellent or gifted writer, but it is something that I enjoy and find extremely therapeutic. I often walk around with a story in my head.  Literally, my thoughts quite often turn into me speaking as if I am writing a blog or book, especially when I have a particular worry on my mind.  It's nice to finally write some of that down.  Thanks for bearing with me!